I’m not sure quite exactly how I would describe the frustration that we felt when we received a phone call from the nurse to update us a few nights ago. I’m not mad at anyone, I don’t feel bitterness towards any of the doctors or other medical professionals…I’m simply disappointed. Imagine one night, the doctors claim that the most major problem facing you week old son has vanished. The lymphatic duct leakage (chylothorax) has ceased and they will be removing the tube in the morning. The next day you get a call saying that they’ve found more drainage in his chest cavity and that it looks like the chest tube had simply clogged up and was not draining properly. That very same night you head home as they poke another hole in your little boy to make room for another chest tube. Disappointed.
I feel down but not out. The good news and the other areas of recovery have certainly outweighed this setback. God still gets the credit for a miracle because according to the doctors Holden shouldn’t have made it out of the womb alive. In the past week (Holden’s two week birthday was today) we’ve found out that his brain ventricles that were enlarged are now normal, he’s been taken off of blood pressure medication, they’ve taken him off of the morphine drip, he’s gone from an oscillator to a ventilator to now breathing on his own (with just a little oxygen in the nose), he’s starting on formula and of course we just got to hear him cry for the first time today. For each one of these “victories” we’re very grateful.
Today was the first day that Cheryl actually got to hold Holden. With all of the tubes and lines that are hooked up to him, it isn’t easy to maneuver the little guy around very much but I’m so glad they allowed her to do this. It was surreal. I could see Holden immediately feel at such a peace in his mother’s arms. When several months ago, and even two weeks ago, you didn’t know if this would be possible, it really meant something to special to us.
I wish this was more of a “positive” post and that I was rejoicing in the miraculous like last time. We realize that Holden still has some work to do and there some things that still need to happen in his little body, mainly the lymphatic duct healing. The doctors have remained positive and say that there is a good chance that his body will heal the duct itself, but it takes time. We’re trying to be patient and count the blessings.
If this fight was for me, I don’t know if I would still be in it. The emotional, physical and spiritual toll it has taken is immense. There is just something in me that has to keep going for little Holden. Every time I see him, I’m renewed. Every time I think of how much he is depending on us right now, I feel restored.
I’ve been thinking quite a bit about the Scriptures lately and I’m thankful for the strength they bring to us in this time. There is one passage that has struck me and I feel like I should share it, especially for anyone struggling with anything right now. Psalm 121:1-2 “I lift my eyes up to the hills, where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth.” If you look at the original Hebrew of this scripture, you’ll see that the psalmist actually posed a question: “do I look to the hills for my help to come?” I believe the writer was trying to pen a statement that says something to the extent that: when men fail us, when we look all around and even to the highest points around us, even to the places we trust…we’re sure to be disappointed. Instead, we look to God, we look beyond things which can be seen and we look to a God who made those things. Herein, I find my peace and my comfort.
Once again, thank you to everyone who has been so supportive during this time. We truly wish that there was some way to communicate our appreciation to everyone. Thank you. Keep praying for Holden. Enjoy.

My heart is elated and my eyes have been visited by tears of joy frequently during the past couple of hours. Cheryl and I are simply in awe of the miracle that God is performing on our baby boy.
“His chances of survival are slim. Out of all the diseases that plague babies, hydrops is bad. Really bad.” I’ll never forget the fear, the uncertainty that penetrated my heart the night that our doctor informed us with these words. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to purge from memory the fortress that seemingly rose against my hope and faith that day. However, I knew that somehow, some way I had to remain strong and be the pillar of solidarity that my family would need in the coming days.
I don’t think I’ve ever prayed like I prayed the day that Holden was born. I cannot remember the exact words because it was more than just words. The greatest recollection I have of that prayer was the encompassing feeling of peace that I felt when the nurse came over and asked if I wanted to see my baby boy. It was surreal.
Fast forward to today. They’ve been draining ounces upon ounces of fluid from Holden over the past six days. He weighed 8 lbs, 9 oz at birth and today he weighed 7 lbs, 3 oz. The weight loss has been the lymphatic fluid that his body has been draining and the doctors have been removing through a tube inserted into his chest.
Tonight, the doctors were making their rounds and came to give a report from the most recent X-ray to Holden’s nurse. Cheryl, Huntley and I happened to be there. The report from the latest X-ray showed that there is apparently NO LONGER A HOLE IN HOLDEN’S LYMPHATIC DUCT and the fluid drainage has completely stopped. His lungs look absolutely normal and they will be removing the tube used to drain the fluid in the morning. The doctors and nurses seemed shocked. They just couldn’t believe that the duct had healed completely in six days. In some cases, this duct never heals up, some times it takes weeks or months. The news touched our hearts deeply and we are incredibly thankful. We truly believe that the prayers, the thoughts and the support from Holden’s friends and family have made all the difference in the world. We’ve placed our trust in Christ since day one and truly believe that Holden is a miracle.
Unfortunately, we won’t be bringing him home tomorrow. His lungs still have some work to do and they’re weaning him off of the oscillator (breathing machine). He has a little bit more work to do but we feel like this was the biggest obstacle he had to overcome. I can’t wait for everyone to meet little Holden and hope that he captures your heart as he has ours.
Please take a moment to post a comment or share with a friend. We love hearing from everyone and have been so encouraged by it all. Thank you to everyone who is supporting us in this time of need. We appreciate it immensely.

Here is an X-ray of Holden’s chest from earlier in the week. The black area on the right is the lung that is okay, the one on the left (in the haze) is surrounded by fluid. Also notice the shape of his chest/torso due to the fluid retention.

Here is tonight’s X-ray. You can see the lungs beautifully!

I can’t think of anyone I’ve ever loved so much, yet have known for so little. His spirit has been incredible, his fight has been audacious and all of this when doctors really didn’t give him much of a chance. This little guy has my heart.
Holden Wayne Shoemake was born May 11, 2011 at 3:54pm as he decided to make his arrival six weeks early. Immediately after being birthed by c-section, he was rushed to the care of the finest NICU personnel at UC Davis Medical Center in Sacramento, CA. They did an amazing job of keeping Holden alive and giving him the chances to fight for life.
We’ve been so amazed by the support, the prayers and the kind words from our friends and family. It means the world to us and we truly believe that Holden is alive because of prayer and faith. Thank you so much everyone, I wish there was some way that we could repay each and everyone of you. However, Holden’s fight is not over yet. He has shocked the doctors by making it this far but he still has a way to go.
Holden was born with Hydrops (fluid accumulation in the body) that were threatening his lung and heart function. The outcome for babies with Hydrops is usually not good. Fortunately, he has made it through the birthing process and they’ve been able to carefully remove some of this fluid to help his lungs expand to normalcy and to take the pressure off of his heart. The problem, and the most likely cause of the Hydrops, is a lymphatic duct that is damaged or leaking the lymphatic fluid into the body. Also, his lungs need to expand since they’ve been surrounded by all that fluid. They’ve expanded some on their own already so we’re hoping for more. Right now, there is simply not much they can do for Holden but continue to drain fluid, keep him breathing and hope that the duct heals itself over time. The NICU doctors said that some children do overcome this obstacle and some don’t. We are believing that this is the perfect place for God to do another miracle for Holden!
It hasn’t been easy to see our little guy in the NICU with all kinds of tubes and lines coming out of his little body, but just the two days that we’ve been able to spend with him have been worth it all. We want to spend as much time with him as possible right now. They say that he can definitely hear us and he is cognisant of our touch. Knowing that this is one of the best ways to support him, our goal is to be up there quite a bit.
If you’re a current client or inquiring about my photography, I totally appreciate your patience. I’m trying to do some work here and there to keep up and make everyone happy, but your patience is very much appreciated right now. I’m probably going to send some of my album design work out to keep those moving as well. We’re hoping Holden will be home with us within a few short weeks, but we just don’t know right now.
To everyone who has offered to help, we totally appreciate it. There honestly isn’t much right now that we need other than your prayers and moral support. It is so reassuring to us to know that friends and family are praying for our little bot who we love so dearly. Thank you will never be enough.